My Thoughts On...(Part 3)

Not so great that one was it? Still, things can only improve..

Grass

People care too much about their lawns. I believe most of the world's ills can be traced back to over-zealous lawn care. Lack of water in third world countries - sprinklers. Increased cancer rates in developed nations - weed killing pesticides. There is a lawn-centric man who lives just around the corner from my house. One summer, i swear i saw him use scissors to precisely alter the edges of his 5-metre squared patch of grass.

He spends hours clipping, hosing and pruning this inanimate green happy-place. I can only imagine what the inside of his house looks like; framed pictures of his true love in each stage of its development. Picture 1 is him holding a bag of soil, through to picture 140 of him on his riding mower. He hangs out with his friends to whom, when they say "i would rather watch grass grow than watch that movie" he responds, "Finally!," puts on his 3D glasses, makes some popcorn. runs outside, lays down and stares for hours at his green BFF. "Guys, watch this! - This bit is my favourite.." Forget the other side, the grass is greener on his.

I do not understand people who care deeply about their lawn and i probably never will. Unless you are a sheep, a cow or any other grass-eating quadruped, you have no business deifying this mystery green surface. We have all seen what the love of a lush green grass can do to the world to this point. If we cannot pull back the lawn-obsessed armies, it won't be long now before the phrase get off my lawn! is the catalyst for a war the likes of which we've never seen before : one where everyone will be wearing beige soil-stained gloves.